Insecurity
by hachoo
Summary: Because we all have them, and the Doctor, Rory and Amy are no different. Final Chapter: The Doctor. Spoilers for season 5 and 6 up to The Doctor's Wife.
1. Rory

**A/N:** My first Doctor Who fic! I'm half excited, half terrified about this, but I just had to write it down- it kept haunting me. It was originally just going to be based on Rory, but then it sort of progressed, so if anyone would actually like me to, I have two chapters dedicated to Amy and the Doctor that I can post up. Please review if you can! And any mistakes are mine, sorry- no beta for this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or any of the characters in this story. Or the plot references. Wow, this is slightly depressing.

**Insecurity**

Rory Williams, the nurse from Leadworth. Otherwise known as Rory the Roman, and occasionally, stupid face. He had gone from living a quiet, if boring life, to exploring the universe with his wife and the Doctor. However, there was one insecurity that had lingered in his mind since he was a child. The thought that Amy did not love him.

And really, could you blame him? A mysterious stranger who captured his wife's heart when she was only seven, returning again when she was 19, and again when she was 21. Whisking her away to see the universe, the _universe_ for crying out loud. How on earth was he supposed to compete with that? Finding out Amy had kissed the Doctor on the night before their wedding had stunned him. And yet a small part of him thought that he should have seen it coming, that his relationship with Amy had always been too good to be true. She deserved so much better, someone more like her. Someone out of this world. Maybe that was his biggest weakness. He just couldn't let go.

But then he had followed her with the Doctor across time and space. And for the first time, he realized just how much she loved him. Amy's actions had always spoken louder than her words, and finding out she had killed herself in one dream in the hope of seeing him in the other was all Rory needed to know. It was Amy's way of saying "I love you" and that was good enough for him.

But then he had died. Stepped in front of the Doctor to save him, and ended up lying on the ground looking up at the woman he had loved for as long as he could remember. He saw the tears filling up in her eyes, heard her voice trembling. And then he was gone.

The next time he saw her, she didn't even recognise him. He had expected tears, a hug, maybe even if he was lucky, an "I love you Rory". But instead, she had looked right through him, said something about his sword work, and gone up to the surface. And that insecurity had swept through him all over again.

It had taken a while, two thousand years in fact, but by the time they had gotten married and been living together in a normal home, Rory was ready to let go of his insecurities. Amy was willing to give up her life on the TARDIS for him- if only for a few months- and surely that meant he had nothing to worry about? But sitting against the wooden crate in 1969, listening to Amy telling "stupid face" that she loved him, that her life was boring before she met him… of course, it must be the Doctor. It had always been the Doctor. He had tried to ignore it, tried to show Amy just how much he loved her, but in the end her heart would always be captured by the stranger she had met all those years ago. And wasn't that just poetic.

But then she had called him 'stupid face'. In the midst of a battle, in immense danger, she had blurted it out and he had frozen. Because he had finally given up any hope that Amy loved him and here she was, telling him all over again. And he knew. This time, he knew that all his fears were based on nothing, a small voice in his head that had grown over the years. Amy did love him. And he'd be damned if he let his insecurities ruin any more of the time they had together.


	2. Amy

**A/N- **So this second chapter is about Amy's insecurity. Although it sort of ended up being about her and Rory. Ah well. Big thanks to Daydreamer2010 and Celiaj for your kind reviews. Unfortunately I can't reply to them for some reason, but they did mean a lot to me. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! And please, if you can spare a few seconds, drop in a review?

**Amy**

Most people would laugh at the notion of Amy having any insecurities. The gorgeous redhead who worked as a kissogram? Bollocks. Only Rory really knew her insecurity. She supposed she could blame it on the Doctor, but really it had started far earlier. All with the crack in the wall.

Amy was terrified of getting too close to people for fear of them leaving her.

Just like her parents had. Just like the Doctor had.

And this insecurity had destroyed her. It had taken years for Rory to prove that he wouldn't leave her, that she could love him. And even then, she had been too afraid to tell him the truth, that she did love him. Because what would happen if he left?

And he did leave. He died in their little cottage in Leadworth, and she knew it had to be the dream then. Because she had never told him she loved him and the universe couldn't be that cruel to take him away before he knew. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, maybe she just wanted a chance to let go of that insecurity. To have Rory back with her. And somehow, she had been right. Rory was alive, and she finally told him she loved him, be it through actions rather than words. There was peace in the TARDIS.

Amy realises later that she should have known it wouldn't last.

They had been running back to the TARDIS when the Doctor decided to stick his hand in the time crack. She had almost convinced the Doctor to get into the TARDIS when suddenly Rory was shouting something and then threw himself in front of the Doctor just as a red laser left the Silurian's gun and hit him in the chest. Amy could barely remember racing to Rory, begging him not to leave her. And then the Doctor was grabbing her and taking her into the TARDIS. She screamed at him, begged to be let out because she knew what it felt like to be left behind and she would _not_ do that to Rory. Never to Rory. But the Doctor wouldn't listen. They left Rory behind, and suddenly it was up to _her_ to keep Rory with her. The memory of Rory would be gone if she didn't remember him. He would leave her, once and for all, and it would be her fault.

And then suddenly, there was no such person as Rory Williams.

It was later, two thousand years later when Amy finally understood. Rory has accidentally shot her (Amy didn't blame him, after all she had _left_ him) and according to the Doctor's voice in her head, she had been inside the Pandorica for two thousand years. It was then that she saw the timeline. A lonely centurion who had guarded her for all that time, kept her safe.

Never leaving her.

Of course it was Rory, because who else would be that devoted to her? And then he had appeared as a museum guard, saving her life once again. Her devoted fiancé. How could she have ever doubted him?

Once they started travelling with the Doctor again though, there had been a few close calls. Rory drowning on the floor of the TARDIS in front of her after he had placed his life in her hands. God, that had caused her a few nightmares. Then the TARDIS had been hijacked by House, an evil sentient, and somehow he seemed to know exactly what Amy feared most. She looked in horror at the remnants of Rory, a hollow body barely resembling him, sitting on the floor where she had left him, waiting for her to come back to him. She had failed him, and he had died hating her. The one dependable person in her world. She fell to her knees crying, desperately hoping it was a dream. Because despite her biggest insecurity, it turned out that she was the one always leaving Rory behind. What kind of a person did that make her?

And then somehow, Rory was standing in front of her, a confused expression on his face, and Amy couldn't stop herself from grabbing him and holding him tight. Because somehow, despite everything they'd been through, Rory was still with her, and he would stay by her side for as long as she could help it.

And there we have it. Review?


	3. The Doctor

**A/N- **Last chapter. Probably the one I'm most nervous about. The Doctor. 900 years, I'm sure he's got a lot of insecurities (or perhaps the longer you live the less you have?) but I just picked one to focus on. I hope he's somewhat in character! Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing, and if you can, please review this chapter because I could really use the feedback.

**The Doctor**

To those who only witness the Doctor in the fleeting moments he saves them from death before whisking away across the universe, the Doctor is a mystery, a legend, a hero.

But even heroes have their insecurities.

He hides it well most of the time. But those who know him very well can see past the stoic façade, see through to the lonely Time Lord who travels in a big blue box- _his_ big blue box- running from his past. Running from the terrible truth.

That he is alone.

That he will outlive everyone he loves.

And perhaps the biggest insecurity he has- that he is dangerous to those he cares about.

Rory knew it. Rory the Roman, who had ceased to exist, only to be brought back from Amy's memories. Rory, who had not been eagerly swept up into the Doctor's lifestyle, but instead was a reluctant follower of the woman he loved. Rory, who was not in awe of the Doctor (most of the time), saw the truth. That despite all the good the Doctor did, death followed him.

Rory had confronted the Doctor about it in Venice, in a fit of rage when he realised Amy was in danger. "You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around." And the most hurtful thing was that he was right. But for some reason, Rory continued to travel with him. Perhaps it was for Amy, or perhaps it was just because he enjoyed it. Or a combination of both. But Rory had somehow fallen into the Doctor's accidental trap. Accepting the dangers because the alternative meant a life without the Doctor, or in Rory's case, a life without Amy. And he wasn't the only one.

Donna, who would have died if he hadn't removed her memories. And in a way, the Donna he knew had died. River, who only existed now on a computer database. Martha, who travelled across the whole planet, trying to save everyone in the year that never was. Rose, who absorbed the time vortex. Jack, who for goodness sake had been turned immortal. And those were just his latest friends; if he tried counting all the companions he had endangered, he would probably make it to his next regeneration first.

The evidence terrified him. He could not stand to be alone for too long, but whenever he dragged a companion along, they were hurt. Perhaps his life was too eventful for a human. Amy didn't seem to realise this yet. For that he was pleased, and also slightly guilty. She followed him around as she would have when she was seven, her imaginary friend, her raggedy Doctor.

Laying complete trust in him when she probably shouldn't have.

There was only one time she had glimpsed the danger the Doctor was a part of, when Rory died in Leadworth. She had looked up at him with tears in her eyes, but it was her cold tone that stunned him. "Then what is the point of you?" She had asked, not knowing it was a question the Doctor asked himself every time he failed someone. Of course, he had tried not to fail her, and the few times he had the universe had somehow been fixed. But one of these days, he was sure, she would learn the truth. They all did, in the end. Some chose to stay with him, others chose to leave. But they all found out.

And the thing was, it was never his intention for them to be harmed. It was almost a punishment for him, for ending the time war the way he did, or perhaps it went further than that. For stealing the TARDIS and running. His eternal punishment: learning to care only to be left alone in the end.

No, not entirely alone, he corrected himself as Rory and Amy came running down the stairs laughing, eager for another adventure. They were still here with him despite all the dangers they had faced. Still breathing, still alive. Able to deal with the dangers in that marvellous way only humans could.

As he watched the couple hold hands for a few seconds before taking their usual place around the TARDIS controls, the Doctor looked back on how Amy and Rory had changed in their time with him. A kissogram and a nurse with an unsteady relationship had blossomed into a husband and wife capable of saving the world.

And surely that had to count for something.


End file.
